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people keep asking me, "so katey, what do you want to do with your photography, weddings, yah?" and "so what were you doing before you got this job?" no good answer for either question.

i want to know what to do with my life. apparently i'm the only one that can decide that.. but that's really easier said than done. sometimes, lately, i really wonder if photography is what i want to do at all. there. i said it. i like it, but i don't think i'm great and i don't think i'm going to be happy with a life where i have to struggle to find business all the time. i don't want to keep searching for a job that doesn't exist, and waiting to figure out how i can make it work. i'm tired of it. i just want to do something, anything, that makes me good money and doesn't make me miserable. work is work. i don't care anymore. i really don't. i don't have to stay in the job forever, i just want it now.. just for now.

i have never been patient, and i doubt i ever will be. i change my mind all the time. i am passionate about how much i dislike something, but not as much about things i like.

of course i'd love to find something that makes me extremely happy, and makes me great money, but come on.. that's not going to happen.

why can't things just happen now.

today in life

today i am glad my mom is home from puerto vallarta. she was gone alot of last week out of the country with sara, and i do NOT like having the house to myself at night. its scary!

work is fine. i'm doing an engagement photoshoot for one of my managers in a couple weeks which is pretty cool i guess, but makes me a little nervous. and other than that, its wedding fever. i'm in 2 weddings in the next 3-4 months. i feel more are on the way. i'm pretty excited about it! but my work is going to be very annoyed with how much time i need to take off. its just a receptionist job but i hate to let people down. work or friends. its not easy.

i hate that i can't figure out what to do with my life. i don't have a plan. i don't have a goal. i got lost somewhere... or i never knew where i was headed. i just thought things would eventually sort themselves out, and they haven't. i turn 23 in april.. i thought by now i would have some direction but i just can't get it together. i go back and forth, grad school, no grad school... business or art, business and art, teaching or art, i don't know. i really don't. i hate the unknown. your whole life up until now is just about being a student. well i know how to get good grades.. i don't know how to be a grown up i guess.

but i know have so much to be thankful for. this is just a temporary hurdle. i'll succeed one day i hope. i just have to keep pushing.

annoying

aaahhh i'm so annoyed with my job right now. i wouldn't say i hate it, but i reeeallllly dislike it. i'm beyond missing my old office and bosses, i mean i do, but really the point is that i freakin cant stand being talked down to for every little mistake i make. like seriously, take the stick out of your ass. i want to be around people that make me feel good. there are several people in my office that are awesome, and i love talking to and are just great people and really encouraging. but thennn there are those that are completely anal, and i just don't understand them. i can't even carry on a conversation with them.

i just want to run away and be happy somewhere. as much as i want to be happy this time in my life keeps dragging me down. i am not an unhappy person.. i hate being aggravated and upset so often. if i moved somewhere and just left all this behind maybe everything would go away.... ya right.

;afj;aljf

okay well i haven't written so much lately becuase i'm tired and i work every night. anyways, i've lost just about 15 lbs now, since like may or whatever. so yay! except none of my work pants fit now... and i don't have time to go buy more. lol. i'm working it out with some dresses instead.

i love conan o'brien and i wish he wasn't getting pushed out by Leno. I used to like leno but this is annoying.

i haven't been able to run much at all, i don't know how i've been losing weight these last couple months.. i only get to run like once a week. tomorrow will be the day. hopefully.

well i think this weekend i'm going again with fleka to look at wedding dresses with her, and she told me last weekend that she wants me to be her maid of honor! yay. i'm excited. this weekend wedding dressing shopping part 2, and next weekend, bmaid dressing shopping at jcrew with her. i hope i fit in a smaller size than usual, that'd be cool!

well okay good nighty.

working a lot

this week i work so much, i am really kindof dreading it. i want the money but i will hate this drive.. okay i'll try to be positive!
friday i went to dallas, ga and took newborn pictures for lindsey and marks new little girl! it was fun. babies are difficult to deal with sometimes, but i think i got some good ones.

then i went to kathleen, ga to see my cousins. we went out and got a drink, and ana maria and derek met us there! it was so good to see everyone. so saturday i went to savannah for the day with jen, and it was sooo effing cold!!! but we had fun. and then today i drove back at 8am to make it back for church.

well this week i work the entire week, doubles on T,W and i have to work start working Sat night.. ugh. But before work on sat i am going wedding dress shopping with fleka! yay!! i can't wait. i like this wedding stuff. and i'm meeting with a bride next week to talk about possibly doing her wedding in November. yay!

well remember when i said there was a cute paper salesman that came into my work? well my boss decided to play matchmaker and send him a message on my fb that said i wanted to go on a date. lol. he responded.. so i don't know. i'm sure he thinks i'm a freak though lol. what can i do.

well that's all.

okay here's a post

new years eve was a lot of fun. i hope this year will be even better than the last.. i loved 2009... except for the few months that i didn't have a job and was completely miserable lol. but i have a lot to be thankful for, and i have a lot to learn from through my mistakes. so i'll just laugh about it and move on haha.

i love my friends, i love the people i have here for me in my life. i don't know what i'd do with out my family. die. probably. i want to keep looking for a job around atlanta, i don't think i'm ready for the cali thing that i had been thinking about for a little while. we'll see.

tomorrow i think i'm going to run for the first time in about 3 weeks because i've been so reluctant to go out in the cold. but i gotta do it. and i'm gonna wear warm warm clothes and suffer through it like a champ haha. then tater is coming to visit, until monday. i'm reaally excited to see her! i want to go back to work on monday because i want money but obviously i don't want to wake up at 5:30. i want the cute paper salesman to come back and chat with me.. just saying. makes work a lot less boring when you actually have someone your age come through the doors. most of the time its old grumpy men who want me to get them extension cords for their meeting room. i don't do that. do i look like a handy man? get it yourself!

okay well that's it.

raahhh

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